PART ONE -Surviving & Thriving

Hey Gals,
 
I realise it has been a long time since my last blog but you all know how life gets in the way sometimes… so, here I am ready and rearing to type up another one for you all. It has been a bit chaotic for the last few months, hence the delay in posting another piece and although some days have been dark and I’ve been challenged both mentally and physically, I can say with pride that I have started to make some positive changes in most aspects of my life in my journey to becoming a healthy and happier person.
 
Now, I apologise in advance if my modesty causes you maximum discomfort but I’m not gonna beat around the bush, I’m giving you my cold, hard version of what I define heartbreak as and everything that comes along with it; the challenges, opportunities and lessons that encase it.
 
So, what is heartbreak? Heartbreak (by Google definitions) is described as ‘overwhelming distress’ or ‘an unforgettable tale of joy and heartbreak.’  Of course, you all probably assume that I’m talking about the heartbreak you get from the men in our lives, am I right? Well, I’m not. As much as boys (and ourselves, often) would love to think they hold our heart in their hands, we all are sadly mistaken. I am talking about what feels like the most physically unbearable pain you could possibly imagine… what feels like your heart is actually being crushed or broken into pieces right then and there, the unstoppable burning feeling that comes with the heartbreak we feel in all shapes, forms and volumes. The magnitude of which we experience heartbreak in our lives often varies and I firmly believe it does not occur just once in our physical life. For me, this year I have dealt with heartbreak frequently. I compare it to when you are in deep water at a surf beach and you get caught in waves that constantly dump you over and over and you get caught inside the swell that you feel like you will never resurface. Have you ever felt that? The worst thing after this experience is when you finally do resurface you feel as though your heart and lungs are going to explode and the burning sensation is unimaginable. The emotions associated with this feeling and the aftermath of it is quite overwhelming and you can feel fear, anger, relief, distress etc.

​Sometimes you look back on the scenario and you feel those emotions encompass you as if it’s happening all over again and it’s a frightening feeling because you don’t want to have to deal with it again. It’s similar to heartbreak, you often don’t get a choice as to when your mind revisits certain situations that cause you heartbreak and those emotions associated with those scenarios are once again, back. For me, this year has already been full of heartbreak, in different magnitudes and shapes and forms. Watching my parents separate after 23 years of a tried marriage was hard but was expected so I had some time to process these emotions through the whole separation, seeing my dad move up to Cairns and taking with him a small piece of my heart in our dog Murphy was painful to endure, realizing my youngest sister was choosing to move in with my oldest sister whilst I decided to stay with my mum caused me so much resentment and anger, consistently seeing all the struggles and battles my grandpa is fighting currently with illness is frightening and depressing to say the least, working below average hours at a local café that was paying the minimum wage that ultimately pushed me further into financial distress and the break ups of friendships that caused confusion and betrayal are just a few of MY heartbreaks that have challenged and pushed me to my limits thus far. These heartbreaks have tested me to my limits, challenged my mental state and altered my physical state (when you are sad and unmotivated, you lack self-care), I was and still am to an extent, so f******* angry all the time. This anger stemmed from bitterness, resentment, sadness, disappointment, distress and genuine heartache. I ultimately felt (and to be honest sometimes still do) feel broken, when realistically I know I am not. I am not broken.
 
Although I couldn’t see it at the time, even though I was feeling heartache in all its beauty (and that’s just what it is; beautiful), I never once thought to reflect and see how these situations have affected me and my life in a positive way. Through feeling miserable at my horrible paid job I finally got my butt into gear and got my traffic tickets and got a job earning double my weekly salary as a traffic controller so I can afford to go on my first trip to Bali with my two cousins and her boyfriend AND I made amazing friendships… from my dad moving away it has given us the time to actually miss each other instead of clashing and resenting each other’s presence; not to mention I am going up on a holiday to his boat in June and although my grandpa is fighting continuously it has taught me perseverance and allowed me to make the most of the time I have with him… I learnt from feeling heartbreak from someone I considered one of my closest friends to always stand up for myself and never hold my tongue even to avoid a confrontation if I was being treated poorly. These scenarios, which have given me heartbreak, have also given me the opportunity build myself up and learn from these experiences. I can now try and see them as positive situations. I am by no means perfect and I will never try to be, but I am learning and I know for a fact I am surrounded by amazing opportunities that I need to take.
 
It has also given me some time to reflect about not only my life, but those of people within our society and around the world; young, old and everything in between. We are all going through similar situations and no one’s situation is harder than another’ because everyone copes with things differently and in the end, it’s always a chance to improve and learn. 

Too be continued ....